Russian Translation Interpreting Australia (Humour)

The road to a successful career in interpreting is not always strewn with roses. Mastering language and the craft of interpreting may be just a beginning. One of the hindrances of this profession is dealing with competition that will on occasion resort to cunning and deceit. The methods used by crafty competitors are universal and could be compared to horse-training techniques. Some useful illustrations may also be borrowed from another related profession, muylinux that of speaking in tongues.

It is generally assumed that in order to become a successful speaker in tongues you have to go to an elite school in Cairo or Haiti, have many years of practice at a junior level, and then graduate to those rarefied heights, attainable only to select few, namely, performing in front of a large congregation.

One of the first rules of successful career in speaking in tongues is to accumulate all sorts of credentials and references that may seem superfluous to the uninitiated, مكتب ترجمة but can become a veritable goldmine to those who understand tricks of the trade. Become a member of as many groups, churches and organisations as you can. Get invitations as a speaker, particularly if you don’t actually have to provide bilingual examples of speaking in tongues, in case there may be people in the audience who channel your languages fluently. Accumulate references from even minor organisations, such as community groups and colleges, where you may be invited to perform. Ingratiate yourself with as many of your more gifted colleagues as you can, so that when time comes and you will need endorsements and references you will have plenty to draw upon.

Remember that many people who work in this demanding field are rather naïve, despite their extraordinary knowledge of other worlds, and are willing to help a novice colleague, tienda de adultos not suspecting that in time he or she might become a fierce competitor.

When you have finally come to the point that you’re allowed to practice speaking in tongues publicly, you will have to use more elaborate strategies and ruses. You have to develop a special patter that will be a mixture of hesitancy and ingratiation, while at the same time giving a semblance of fluency (Note 1).

Most people will have difficulty in deciding whether it is the faulty loudspeaker, their own hearing, or the halting speech of the spirit you are channelling. At any rate, by the time they finish pondering on these topics, the performance is over and they can begin concentrating on more important matters, life adhd coaching such as the long-awaited coffee break.

It will be most important for you to present yourself to your congregation during informal breaks and/or evening cocktails and dinners. Try to be helpful in their extracurricular activities such as shopping. Most people, once they have become familiar with you, will be averse to judging you too harshly or making an official complaint.

Another very important trick is not to be the first speaker at the start of the session. Initial impressions are important, and if the audience hears poor quality speaking in tongues in the beginning, this will be a cause for complaint. Therefore, if you are the first in line to begin speaking, you must use every trick you can, such as dropping your microphone, fumbling with your hair, pretending to be finishing a snack, or anything you can think of, so that your more conscientious and diligent colleagues will start channelling instead of you. After the initial impression has been formed, your own performance will be less important.

When engaging in xenoglossia (the speaking of an actual foreign language) try to avoid using commonly understood languages such as Pidgin English. If you have to do bilingual speaking in tongues, use every trick you know in order to limit your potential exposure. Arrange it so that your colleagues will do most of speaking into broken English. If all fails, you can simply “throw the switch” to your colleague, so that he or she will have no choice but to start speaking, because if they don’t, there will be an embarrassing silence and maybe a complaint.

It is extremely important to ingratiate yourself as much as possible with people who are truly important in the game of speaking in tongues, that is, agents/priests and contractors-speaker-in-tongues. More often than not, they will not speak a particular language that you speak and will therefore have no knowledge about the quality of your channelling. Remember, they are only human, and will therefore appreciate every bit of flattery, accommodation, I-am-not-the-one-to-rock-the-boat impression, and general pleasantries portraying a person who is easy-going and a “good team member”. Once you become accepted, it will be easy for you to manipulate the composition of the team, so that you will have only those people who either do not care about the quality of speaking in tongues, or are so grateful to be invited on the team that they will cooperate with your tactics fully.

But perhaps the most important choice you will make is the choice of languages. Try to choose languages that are not broadly known. If you find that Zulu or Pashtu are either beyond your ken or do not have enough aesthetic appeal, you can always try xenoglossy – speaking in a natural language that was previously unknown. If you think this is too cheeky, try Albanian or Slovene. Most people regard these and similar tongues so obscure that they will be grateful to get any exposure to them at all. Conversely,  the spirits you channel will be so thankful that their languages are being recognised and that the organisers of the session have made an effort and have gone to the expense of paying for professional speaker in their tongues, that they are unlikely to complain. When all fails, demand to speak in front of a deaf audience (see cartoon). Practicing echolalia (Note 2) in front of a deaf (or stunned) audience produces a curious effect known as “deafening silence”.

And if they still complain, remember, all water finally runs under the bridge, contractors-speaker-in-tongues and agents/priests move on or get replaced, and the weight of evidence you have accumulated as a “star” speaker in tongues will, hopefully, nullify any temporary inconvenience of a localized complaint.


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